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softpunksthe hargreeves-centric // ~2.5k
> Good Omens AU. Originally written for The Umbrella Academy Zine.
It’s Klaus who tells them that they’ve got the wrong Antichrist. Even though this is the first time he's giving them this kind of information, which is why they should be given at least some leeway for not knowing, Five is anything but sympathetic to Luther and Diego’s plight.
“You do realize you could’ve asked him about this eighteen years ago, right?” Five says, tapping his foot impatiently. “If you did, none of this would’ve happened.”
For an almost-eighteen-year old human, Five is snarky and dauntless. It might have been why Luther and Diego believed that he was the Antichrist up until the last second, given how self-aware he is of everything and has so far been able to take anything in stride—the existence of angels and demons, the impending apocalypse, and revelation that an Antichrist existed among them and he was thought to be one of them.
Allison thinks those two deserve a pass. Then again, they’ve been getting passes for years of intentionally and unintentionally sabotaging their jobs, and never receiving anything past a light reprimand from their respective higher-ups. In truth, it’s no one’s fault but Heaven and Hell themselves for entrusting the task of carrying out the fate of Armageddon on the most incompetent angel and the most incompetent demon in the universe.
“Hey, I don’t see why you’re complaining, shortstack,” Diego argues. “We didn’t even want you to come along.”
Five crosses his arms. “If I didn’t come with you, you wouldn’t have thought to talk to the seer you’ve apparently had with you for almost thirty years to get information on the one thing you should’ve known all along—which is who the actual Antichrist is, instead of assuming that it was me the entire time.”
Diego immediately turns to Luther for help, but all Luther does is shrug. “I mean, he does have a point.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Diego grumbles. “Of all the times you decide to put down your inflated ego and roll over, it has to be now. Did your demotion break you that badly?”
Luther frowns at him. “If you must know—”
“Wait, did you just bring the fake Antichrist with you?” Klaus interrupts, staring at Five like it’s his first time seeing him even though he’s been in the bookshop with all of them for a good hour. “Oh, you two are so screwed when Pogo and Grace find out. Luther, didn’t you already get fired?”
“Demoted,” Luther corrects snappily. “But at least I’m not on probation like someone here.”
“You do realize ranks work differently in Hell, right?” Diego replies bitingly. “Probation is actually a compliment—”
Just then, Ben emerges from the back, brow knitting together as he examines the books he carries in his hands. “Okay, so I don’t have the complete version of Griddy’s Prophecies by Agnes and Hazel, but I did manage to find a couple of other apparently fake prophetic books and—oh.” He stops when he sees their visitors, but no one pays any mind to him except for Allison, who only sighs from the countertop she sits on. He stares at Luther and Diego, who aren’t exactly new faces, before his eyes drift to Five, and Ben frowns. “Is that supposed to be the—”
“Nope,” Allison answers for them. “Luther and Diego have been keeping watch of the wrong kid for eighteen years.” Ben doesn’t look surprised, and Allison grins. “He’s ridiculously smart though, so I wouldn’t have put it past them. He’s got that little crazed look in his eyes too. Doesn’t that look familiar?”
“Right, because I totally remember the face of Daddy dearest even though I’ve only seen him once in my entire life,” Ben deadpans. “Or, well, afterlife.”
Allison takes a sip from Klaus’ champagne that she found in the back of his shop, tucked inside a not-so inconspicuous cellar. She wouldn’t normally partake in any of his indulgences and drink, but she’s going through a rough patch with her husband right now ever since he found out that she’s a witchfinder, heavily involved in the supernatural world and dedicated to trying to hunt down supernatural-related beings—which she doesn’t really do a good job at, considering that Luther, Diego, Klaus, and Ben are still alright. There are more pressing matters to attend to anyway, like attempting to avert this end of the world thing, a problem she has to deal with because she lives in said world. “Do you think that you’ll still be here in the aftermath of Armageddon? Because of the ghost thing?”
“Let’s hope not,” Ben answers. He sets the books down. “I don’t think there’s going to be anything left that’s worth staying for.”
“Well, at least Dumb and Dumber over there think there should be, which is why they want to stop it.”
Ben gives her a knowing look. “And that’s why you and Klaus are always here, helping them.”
“Contrary to what you might think, I do like earth.” And she doesn’t mind when Luther and Diego are interesting. As horribly incompetent as they may be at times, there’s something charming about their tendency to just do whatever they want, always acting according to their own principles that have nothing to do with their affiliations. They were lone wolves before they became the inseparable pair she and Klaus met and decided to stick with over the years; but even then, apart or together, they were the type that was incredibly hard to say no to, and until now, Allison wasn’t completely sure if it was because of their divine prowess or just their character.
And now, the rise of the apocalypse and their desire to put a stop to it, regardless of what their higher-ups commanded and wanted—that too, was difficult to turn away from.
More than that though, it was because of Luther that Allison was able to have Claire. Her fate had always been destined to be intertwined with the supernatural due to her witchfinder heritage, but it was thanks to the angel going the extra mile and blessing her even though he had no obligation to that she was more than willing to lend a hand when needed.
Luther, Diego, and Five begin to argue as to who and where the Antichrist could be. They’re assuming that the nuns might have given the baby to the wrong couple, maybe one that accidentally stumbled into the convent because they were also expecting a child. They could use the hellhound that was supposed to be gifted to Five to track the Antichrist, because that’s how they realized that he wasn’t the Antichrist in the first place, but finding the dog is its own challenge.
Klaus’ abilities are limited and relies on specificity, and that’s why he’d only been able to tell Five wasn’t the Antichrist now—because he finally got to meet him and make proper contact; that, and the fact that Luther and Diego only thought to ask Klaus to confirm it when they spent all this time just rolling with their assumption.
“Weren’t you there when he was born?” Ben asks Allison, referring to Five. “Did you think he was the Antichrist? This kid, I mean.”
Allison was stationed outside the convent where the Antichrist would be given to the host family, tasked to ensure that no undesired issues arose while Diego would handle the delivery and switch. She didn’t care much that as a witchfinder, someone meant to be against the occult, she was rather fond of the angel and demon. She walked the fine line between good and evil that Luther and Diego had started with their centuries-old friendship, and that was merely one of the rare instances where it would unfold.
It was supposed to be a simple job. The notorious Hargreeves, who raised prominent politicians, were scheduled to have their first child coming along, and their trip to the hospital would be met with certain complications that consequently took them to the convent instead. There, Diego would switch the Hargreeves’ newly born child with the Antichrist.
The husband had left shortly after the childbirth, wanting to get fresh air and let it sink in that he was about to be a father. Despite the misdeeds he was fated to commit in the future, at that moment, he was nothing but a man with the weight and burden of a family on his shoulders. Diego asked Allison to keep him distracted and outside as long as possible during the switch, and Luther had secretly suggested to maybe give a few hints to sway the mortal to at least consider taking the right path despite his destiny.
It wasn’t hard, striking a conversation. Allison was young, Claire wasn’t even a possibility concrete enough for her to consider, and Luther hadn’t thought to bless her yet; all she had at the time was a vague notion that she’d like to be a parent someday. She hadn’t even met Ray.
“I didn’t see him, so no,” Allison tells Ben, and it wasn’t like the Antichrist was meant to have any distinct physical characteristics that made him look like something other than human. Something nags at her though, so she recounts the memory. It went well, from her recollection. There were no problems, no “accidental, secondary couple”. She gave Diego enough time, the mortal man contemplated on her little bits of advice about raising his future children in the right direction, and Luther reported that the switch was successful.
Then it hits her. Children. Not just a child.
“There was more than one,” Allison says, standing up abruptly. “Five,” she starts. The arguments halt. “Do you have a twin?”
“What? No,” Diego answers for Five. “We’ve been looking after him this entire time. From the switch up to this day. We would’ve known if he had a sibling. He’s an only child.”
But it wasn’t like they stuck around for long during the birth. The moment they handed the basket with the Antichrist to the nuns and they said the swap had been made, they departed with the original son of the Hargreeves and dropped him off in the orphanage. Allison turns to Five, who is visibly mulling over the question instead of immediately saying otherwise. That’s still something. “Five?”
“I was... supposed to,” Five admits reluctantly. “Vanya was her name. But my father told me that she didn’t make it, even if my mother told me not to believe him. She wasn’t… always in her right mind though, and all she told me was that Vanya was in ‘better living’. I assumed that she meant the afterlife.”
“A girl,” Luther breathes out. “That’s why we screwed up. It wasn't about the wrong switch or the wrong family. We just thought that we were supposed to be looking after a boy.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything,” Diego argues. “Five’s sister is dead, and we’re pretty sure the Antichrist is still here. Alive.”
“Anything can happen though.” Klaus shrugs. “I mean, just look at Ben.”
Ben ignores Klaus and says, “But what if ‘better living’ isn’t a phrase, but a place instead?”
Diego’s eyes widen. “So you’re saying the Hargreeves gave the Antichrist away?”
Five shrugs. “Well, a daughter was the last thing my father ever wanted.”
“There’s a small town in the outskirts of Texas called ‘Better Living’. That might be it,” Allison says thoughtfully. “Klaus, can you see if there are any Vanya’s in the area?”
“When I agreed to be your informant, I didn’t think it entailed being a tracker dog too,” Klaus grumbles, but he closes his eyes, concentrating his power to do the task. They all watch him, waiting with baited breath until Klaus’ eyes flash open. “Vanya Cooper. Umbrella Road. The 7th house.”
“There’s no guarantee,” Diego warns them. “This doesn’t confirm anything.”
“It’s still something though,” Allison replies. “So it’s worth the shot.”
Diego can’t argue with that. Neither can the rest of them.
“Wait,” Five says, as they all begin packing up to leave. Klaus is complaining about how his job is already supposed to be done and he’s not needed like Allison, who is decent in a fight should Luther and Diego need back up, but Ben wants to go because he hasn’t had a reason to leave the musty bookshop in years. “I’m coming with you. Even if she might be the Antichrist, she’s also my sister.”
“It’ll be dangerous,” Luther tells him.
“Of course it’s going to be,” Five says, but he doesn’t sound as exasperated as Allison expects him to be. He’s grinning, even, and she thinks of the look in his eyes and the familiarity of it that she pointed out to Ben. She can still see the resemblance, even if he isn’t actually the Antichrist, but it’s not a bad look. Not dangerously insane. Just irrationally courageous. Then again, sometimes they overlap.
For once, Luther and Diego don’t argue. Allison has a feeling it’s because they see the same thing she does.
> Good Omens AU. Originally written for The Umbrella Academy Zine.
It’s Klaus who tells them that they’ve got the wrong Antichrist. Even though this is the first time he's giving them this kind of information, which is why they should be given at least some leeway for not knowing, Five is anything but sympathetic to Luther and Diego’s plight.
“You do realize you could’ve asked him about this eighteen years ago, right?” Five says, tapping his foot impatiently. “If you did, none of this would’ve happened.”
For an almost-eighteen-year old human, Five is snarky and dauntless. It might have been why Luther and Diego believed that he was the Antichrist up until the last second, given how self-aware he is of everything and has so far been able to take anything in stride—the existence of angels and demons, the impending apocalypse, and revelation that an Antichrist existed among them and he was thought to be one of them.
Allison thinks those two deserve a pass. Then again, they’ve been getting passes for years of intentionally and unintentionally sabotaging their jobs, and never receiving anything past a light reprimand from their respective higher-ups. In truth, it’s no one’s fault but Heaven and Hell themselves for entrusting the task of carrying out the fate of Armageddon on the most incompetent angel and the most incompetent demon in the universe.
“Hey, I don’t see why you’re complaining, shortstack,” Diego argues. “We didn’t even want you to come along.”
Five crosses his arms. “If I didn’t come with you, you wouldn’t have thought to talk to the seer you’ve apparently had with you for almost thirty years to get information on the one thing you should’ve known all along—which is who the actual Antichrist is, instead of assuming that it was me the entire time.”
Diego immediately turns to Luther for help, but all Luther does is shrug. “I mean, he does have a point.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Diego grumbles. “Of all the times you decide to put down your inflated ego and roll over, it has to be now. Did your demotion break you that badly?”
Luther frowns at him. “If you must know—”
“Wait, did you just bring the fake Antichrist with you?” Klaus interrupts, staring at Five like it’s his first time seeing him even though he’s been in the bookshop with all of them for a good hour. “Oh, you two are so screwed when Pogo and Grace find out. Luther, didn’t you already get fired?”
“Demoted,” Luther corrects snappily. “But at least I’m not on probation like someone here.”
“You do realize ranks work differently in Hell, right?” Diego replies bitingly. “Probation is actually a compliment—”
Just then, Ben emerges from the back, brow knitting together as he examines the books he carries in his hands. “Okay, so I don’t have the complete version of Griddy’s Prophecies by Agnes and Hazel, but I did manage to find a couple of other apparently fake prophetic books and—oh.” He stops when he sees their visitors, but no one pays any mind to him except for Allison, who only sighs from the countertop she sits on. He stares at Luther and Diego, who aren’t exactly new faces, before his eyes drift to Five, and Ben frowns. “Is that supposed to be the—”
“Nope,” Allison answers for them. “Luther and Diego have been keeping watch of the wrong kid for eighteen years.” Ben doesn’t look surprised, and Allison grins. “He’s ridiculously smart though, so I wouldn’t have put it past them. He’s got that little crazed look in his eyes too. Doesn’t that look familiar?”
“Right, because I totally remember the face of Daddy dearest even though I’ve only seen him once in my entire life,” Ben deadpans. “Or, well, afterlife.”
Allison takes a sip from Klaus’ champagne that she found in the back of his shop, tucked inside a not-so inconspicuous cellar. She wouldn’t normally partake in any of his indulgences and drink, but she’s going through a rough patch with her husband right now ever since he found out that she’s a witchfinder, heavily involved in the supernatural world and dedicated to trying to hunt down supernatural-related beings—which she doesn’t really do a good job at, considering that Luther, Diego, Klaus, and Ben are still alright. There are more pressing matters to attend to anyway, like attempting to avert this end of the world thing, a problem she has to deal with because she lives in said world. “Do you think that you’ll still be here in the aftermath of Armageddon? Because of the ghost thing?”
“Let’s hope not,” Ben answers. He sets the books down. “I don’t think there’s going to be anything left that’s worth staying for.”
“Well, at least Dumb and Dumber over there think there should be, which is why they want to stop it.”
Ben gives her a knowing look. “And that’s why you and Klaus are always here, helping them.”
“Contrary to what you might think, I do like earth.” And she doesn’t mind when Luther and Diego are interesting. As horribly incompetent as they may be at times, there’s something charming about their tendency to just do whatever they want, always acting according to their own principles that have nothing to do with their affiliations. They were lone wolves before they became the inseparable pair she and Klaus met and decided to stick with over the years; but even then, apart or together, they were the type that was incredibly hard to say no to, and until now, Allison wasn’t completely sure if it was because of their divine prowess or just their character.
And now, the rise of the apocalypse and their desire to put a stop to it, regardless of what their higher-ups commanded and wanted—that too, was difficult to turn away from.
More than that though, it was because of Luther that Allison was able to have Claire. Her fate had always been destined to be intertwined with the supernatural due to her witchfinder heritage, but it was thanks to the angel going the extra mile and blessing her even though he had no obligation to that she was more than willing to lend a hand when needed.
Luther, Diego, and Five begin to argue as to who and where the Antichrist could be. They’re assuming that the nuns might have given the baby to the wrong couple, maybe one that accidentally stumbled into the convent because they were also expecting a child. They could use the hellhound that was supposed to be gifted to Five to track the Antichrist, because that’s how they realized that he wasn’t the Antichrist in the first place, but finding the dog is its own challenge.
Klaus’ abilities are limited and relies on specificity, and that’s why he’d only been able to tell Five wasn’t the Antichrist now—because he finally got to meet him and make proper contact; that, and the fact that Luther and Diego only thought to ask Klaus to confirm it when they spent all this time just rolling with their assumption.
“Weren’t you there when he was born?” Ben asks Allison, referring to Five. “Did you think he was the Antichrist? This kid, I mean.”
Allison was stationed outside the convent where the Antichrist would be given to the host family, tasked to ensure that no undesired issues arose while Diego would handle the delivery and switch. She didn’t care much that as a witchfinder, someone meant to be against the occult, she was rather fond of the angel and demon. She walked the fine line between good and evil that Luther and Diego had started with their centuries-old friendship, and that was merely one of the rare instances where it would unfold.
It was supposed to be a simple job. The notorious Hargreeves, who raised prominent politicians, were scheduled to have their first child coming along, and their trip to the hospital would be met with certain complications that consequently took them to the convent instead. There, Diego would switch the Hargreeves’ newly born child with the Antichrist.
The husband had left shortly after the childbirth, wanting to get fresh air and let it sink in that he was about to be a father. Despite the misdeeds he was fated to commit in the future, at that moment, he was nothing but a man with the weight and burden of a family on his shoulders. Diego asked Allison to keep him distracted and outside as long as possible during the switch, and Luther had secretly suggested to maybe give a few hints to sway the mortal to at least consider taking the right path despite his destiny.
It wasn’t hard, striking a conversation. Allison was young, Claire wasn’t even a possibility concrete enough for her to consider, and Luther hadn’t thought to bless her yet; all she had at the time was a vague notion that she’d like to be a parent someday. She hadn’t even met Ray.
“I didn’t see him, so no,” Allison tells Ben, and it wasn’t like the Antichrist was meant to have any distinct physical characteristics that made him look like something other than human. Something nags at her though, so she recounts the memory. It went well, from her recollection. There were no problems, no “accidental, secondary couple”. She gave Diego enough time, the mortal man contemplated on her little bits of advice about raising his future children in the right direction, and Luther reported that the switch was successful.
Then it hits her. Children. Not just a child.
“There was more than one,” Allison says, standing up abruptly. “Five,” she starts. The arguments halt. “Do you have a twin?”
“What? No,” Diego answers for Five. “We’ve been looking after him this entire time. From the switch up to this day. We would’ve known if he had a sibling. He’s an only child.”
But it wasn’t like they stuck around for long during the birth. The moment they handed the basket with the Antichrist to the nuns and they said the swap had been made, they departed with the original son of the Hargreeves and dropped him off in the orphanage. Allison turns to Five, who is visibly mulling over the question instead of immediately saying otherwise. That’s still something. “Five?”
“I was... supposed to,” Five admits reluctantly. “Vanya was her name. But my father told me that she didn’t make it, even if my mother told me not to believe him. She wasn’t… always in her right mind though, and all she told me was that Vanya was in ‘better living’. I assumed that she meant the afterlife.”
“A girl,” Luther breathes out. “That’s why we screwed up. It wasn't about the wrong switch or the wrong family. We just thought that we were supposed to be looking after a boy.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything,” Diego argues. “Five’s sister is dead, and we’re pretty sure the Antichrist is still here. Alive.”
“Anything can happen though.” Klaus shrugs. “I mean, just look at Ben.”
Ben ignores Klaus and says, “But what if ‘better living’ isn’t a phrase, but a place instead?”
Diego’s eyes widen. “So you’re saying the Hargreeves gave the Antichrist away?”
Five shrugs. “Well, a daughter was the last thing my father ever wanted.”
“There’s a small town in the outskirts of Texas called ‘Better Living’. That might be it,” Allison says thoughtfully. “Klaus, can you see if there are any Vanya’s in the area?”
“When I agreed to be your informant, I didn’t think it entailed being a tracker dog too,” Klaus grumbles, but he closes his eyes, concentrating his power to do the task. They all watch him, waiting with baited breath until Klaus’ eyes flash open. “Vanya Cooper. Umbrella Road. The 7th house.”
“There’s no guarantee,” Diego warns them. “This doesn’t confirm anything.”
“It’s still something though,” Allison replies. “So it’s worth the shot.”
Diego can’t argue with that. Neither can the rest of them.
“Wait,” Five says, as they all begin packing up to leave. Klaus is complaining about how his job is already supposed to be done and he’s not needed like Allison, who is decent in a fight should Luther and Diego need back up, but Ben wants to go because he hasn’t had a reason to leave the musty bookshop in years. “I’m coming with you. Even if she might be the Antichrist, she’s also my sister.”
“It’ll be dangerous,” Luther tells him.
“Of course it’s going to be,” Five says, but he doesn’t sound as exasperated as Allison expects him to be. He’s grinning, even, and she thinks of the look in his eyes and the familiarity of it that she pointed out to Ben. She can still see the resemblance, even if he isn’t actually the Antichrist, but it’s not a bad look. Not dangerously insane. Just irrationally courageous. Then again, sometimes they overlap.
For once, Luther and Diego don’t argue. Allison has a feeling it’s because they see the same thing she does.