come the end
Dec. 8th, 2021 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
softpunksfive & the hargreeves // ~2k
> Different First Meeting AU. Originally written for The Umbrella Academy Zine.
The calculations didn’t take as long as Five told Dolores it would. He said, forty-five years, give or take; she said, give yourself more credit. It’ll only be a few. Now, sixteen and ready, Five was reminded once more that Dolores would always be one step ahead of him for everything.
During a late night when everyone was asleep save for Five and Diego, the latter asked, “You planning on taking her with you?”
Five shook his head. “The less people there are, the better,” he reasoned, but he told himself that when he did get back, he’d make it up to her by finding her again.
The two of them had been sharing more nights together because Five hadn’t slept much ever since he got the math down, as if he feared that closing his eyes for too long would mean forgetting every single equation. Diego, on the other hand, was a night owl.
Before the apocalypse happened, Diego was mopping floors in a boxing gym by day and beating bad guys by night. Klaus was going in and out of rehab. Allison was a famous actress. Luther intended to become an astronaut. Vanya would’ve gone to places as a violinist within a year or two. They were all thirty. Five had been the only one who was thirteen, an old soul in the body of a child genius studying in a prestigious and pretentious academy. This was less because he was actually younger than the rest of them and more because he jumped ahead to seventeen years by accident only to find that the world had ended and that he didn’t know how to go back.
They all lived different lives before this, never truly entering each other’s orbit. The similarities they shared, however, were too uncanny to ignore: the irony that they were all born on the same day, the fact that they were the only ones to survive the apocalypse, and the realization that they all had special abilities; super strength, projectile manipulation, mind control, mediumship and evocation, space-time jumping, sound and weather warping.
It could’ve been why they were the ones who survived when the rest didn’t—because there had to be a reason for what they could do and why they were here, Luther insisted—but to Five, there were too many other variables to consider, information they’d never have access to because all the leads to finding them were destroyed along with the rest of the world.
The truth was that there was a lot they didn't know, and though not knowing always drove Five nuts, what he did know was this: that he grew exasperated with them as each day passed, and he grew attached to them a bit too quickly anyway. What he did know was this: that they were a dysfunctional mess and were exactly the kind of people Five would never voluntarily want to stay with, thirteen or thirty, and he loved them a bit too strongly regardless.
Years later, and there was another thing that Five knew: that he could fix things.
“How?” Vanya asked.
“Time travel,” Five answered. It wasn’t like they didn’t know this; the past two years of them all staying together had consisted of Five obsessing over numbers and equations and trying to prove a theory that popped out in his head. But Five acknowledged he never liked explaining anything, so their surprise wasn't unfounded. “If I can just go back to before this all started, then I could do something to make sure it’ll never happen at all.”
“What makes you think you could do that?”
Five glanced at her. They were on their monthly supply run, scouring through the new area they all agreed to stay in because there was a fresh batch of supplies for them to consume until they’d run out and be forced to move on to another place.
Her words weren’t accusatory, just curious. Five looked at the medical supplies he collected. Vanya had a bag of canned tuna with her, and when they got back to the farmhouse they were seeking shelter in for the time being, Klaus would complain about how they were forcing him to go on a diet because the options were scarce. Klaus was right, and it’d continue to be that way because everything was limited. It couldn’t be like that forever, Five thought. It couldn’t be, not because they’d eventually find more, but because eventually there’d be nothing left. There was a reason it was the end, and that was because things had an end.
He was surprised enough that they made it this far, but there was no way he could delude himself; the remains of the world wouldn’t be enough to last them for more than a year, and this had made him all the more desperate to think of something, to be willing to take a risk just because he wasn’t willing to confront the reality that the new start he had built in the aftermath of the end would reach its own conclusion soon.
Because I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t, he almost said. But he always was a bit old for his age and detached from his emotions in ways they weren’t, unwilling to see anything but the bigger picture. It didn’t change the fact that there were moments that reminded him that the little things were still just important—Allison sewing his clothes after they accidentally got ripped, Klaus draping a blanket over him and Dolores when he found him fast asleep in the late afternoon, Vanya helping him try to cook breakfast with the measly food they had on hand.
“Because there has to be a reason for why I can do what I do,” Five said, echoing Luther’s sentiments from long ago. “Maybe that’s the reason I’m here now.”
You should say your goodbyes, Dolores said. Five insisted he couldn’t when he was doing this to prevent that kind of ending to begin with. Stop making excuses. It’s not like you to be afraid.
She was right. Over dinner, huddled around a makeshift fire, Five told them. For a while, he was met with nothing but silence.
Then, Diego said, “No.”
Five narrowed his eyes. “No?”
“It sounds like a one-way ticket. What if you screw up?”
“Why do you think I spent years working out the math?” Five said, baffled. “Just for a laugh?”
“Diego’s right,” Allison agreed. “Five, you don’t know what could happen. You only time traveled once, and it’s what got you stuck here in the first place. But what if—what if you die?”
“You think I don’t know that?” The idea of dying sent a shiver up his spine; he ignored it. “But if I don’t do anything, then we’re all going to die. At least there’s a chance that it’ll work, no matter how slim. I have to take it. This isn’t up for debate. I just told you because Dolores said I owed it to you to do it.”
“Wait, so you weren’t going to tell us?” Luther demanded. “Five, what the hell?”
“I mean, it’s not like I don’t get why,” Klaus interjected airily. “It’s a puberty thing. Kids love their privacy, and Five’s still a growing boy. And—no, Ben, you’re remembering it wrong. I was a good—”
It didn’t take long for them to launch into a full blown argument. Five defended himself and they started to turn to each other, because that was what they always did. But there was a sense of comfort he felt watching them bicker. This was the life he’d grown accustomed to in his two years of living with them, so there was a tight feeling in his chest at the realization that if he did manage to go back in time to stop this apocalypse from ever happening, it would also mean erasing the time they had together. It would mean they didn’t know each other; it would mean they didn’t know him. He could save the world at the cost of this one, and though all the logic in the world told him how that wasn’t even enough to be considered a sacrifice, given the state of things, Five still felt terrible about it.
These were thoughts that haunted him as he prepared for his departure, reviewing his math and practicing his spatial jumps. In the sparse moments, they chose to spend time with him either to do something mundane or nothing at all. They’d bring up the time travel thing around once or twice, but never for too long. Five didn’t believe in goodbyes and he was never the sentimental type, but they were, and he understood that they needed to make the most of their remaining time with him.
In the early morning of his anticipated leave, he saw Ben walking out of the farmhouse. The rest were still asleep and Klaus wasn’t a morning person, but he was getting better at using his powers, so he must’ve materialized Ben unconsciously.
“Are you scared?” Ben asked him, standing beside Five as he balanced himself on the fence. If this wasn’t the apocalypse, they’d be staring at a fresh field and breathing fresh air. Instead, the air was murky and the only sight that greeted them was an empty plot of land made of sunken soil with the bones of dead animals scattered around.
“Doesn't matter. I have to try,” Five said instead, but it was all Ben needed to hear to know. “I owe it to them to do that.”
For a while, Ben said nothing. “You should find them again. When you get back. You don’t need to fix everything alone. It doesn’t actually have to be the end.”
He was right. In a world built to harden Five because there was next to nothing left, he grew soft instead because of what and who survived along with him. It wasn’t a bad thing, because sometimes he contemplated the existence of an alternate reality wherein he came to the apocalypse alone—truly, utterly alone—and it was enough for him to realize that there were worse things that could happen to him.
“Do you ever think about how some things were meant to be there?” Five wondered. “That no matter who you become or what life you live, some things you’ll always have, one way or another?” Because in between the lines were questions he needed answers to—do you think we were meant to find each other? Do you think we’d always find each other, no matter what would’ve happened, no matter what life?
Five was the least closest to Ben, but Ben still replied sincerely, “I do.”
There was nothing to back his statement, no evidence, no reasoning, but the words reassured Five. In an alternate universe wherein he was all alone in this apocalypse, he thought that the person he was there would still be okay, because he’d still have them for a family—makeshift and unintentional, flawed but irreplaceable. Maybe not one he’d find in the darkest of times, but one he could return to against the lowest moments. After all, there were certain things people would always have, no matter what life, no matter what choice, and Five wanted to believe his family was one of them.
“Then I guess I won’t be saying goodbye,” Five considered. “But see you soon.”
Because thirteen or thirty, sixteen or thirty three, he would always find them. Because no matter what had happened, they would always be his family, and they would always be worth everything.
> Different First Meeting AU. Originally written for The Umbrella Academy Zine.
The calculations didn’t take as long as Five told Dolores it would. He said, forty-five years, give or take; she said, give yourself more credit. It’ll only be a few. Now, sixteen and ready, Five was reminded once more that Dolores would always be one step ahead of him for everything.
During a late night when everyone was asleep save for Five and Diego, the latter asked, “You planning on taking her with you?”
Five shook his head. “The less people there are, the better,” he reasoned, but he told himself that when he did get back, he’d make it up to her by finding her again.
The two of them had been sharing more nights together because Five hadn’t slept much ever since he got the math down, as if he feared that closing his eyes for too long would mean forgetting every single equation. Diego, on the other hand, was a night owl.
Before the apocalypse happened, Diego was mopping floors in a boxing gym by day and beating bad guys by night. Klaus was going in and out of rehab. Allison was a famous actress. Luther intended to become an astronaut. Vanya would’ve gone to places as a violinist within a year or two. They were all thirty. Five had been the only one who was thirteen, an old soul in the body of a child genius studying in a prestigious and pretentious academy. This was less because he was actually younger than the rest of them and more because he jumped ahead to seventeen years by accident only to find that the world had ended and that he didn’t know how to go back.
They all lived different lives before this, never truly entering each other’s orbit. The similarities they shared, however, were too uncanny to ignore: the irony that they were all born on the same day, the fact that they were the only ones to survive the apocalypse, and the realization that they all had special abilities; super strength, projectile manipulation, mind control, mediumship and evocation, space-time jumping, sound and weather warping.
It could’ve been why they were the ones who survived when the rest didn’t—because there had to be a reason for what they could do and why they were here, Luther insisted—but to Five, there were too many other variables to consider, information they’d never have access to because all the leads to finding them were destroyed along with the rest of the world.
The truth was that there was a lot they didn't know, and though not knowing always drove Five nuts, what he did know was this: that he grew exasperated with them as each day passed, and he grew attached to them a bit too quickly anyway. What he did know was this: that they were a dysfunctional mess and were exactly the kind of people Five would never voluntarily want to stay with, thirteen or thirty, and he loved them a bit too strongly regardless.
Years later, and there was another thing that Five knew: that he could fix things.
“How?” Vanya asked.
“Time travel,” Five answered. It wasn’t like they didn’t know this; the past two years of them all staying together had consisted of Five obsessing over numbers and equations and trying to prove a theory that popped out in his head. But Five acknowledged he never liked explaining anything, so their surprise wasn't unfounded. “If I can just go back to before this all started, then I could do something to make sure it’ll never happen at all.”
“What makes you think you could do that?”
Five glanced at her. They were on their monthly supply run, scouring through the new area they all agreed to stay in because there was a fresh batch of supplies for them to consume until they’d run out and be forced to move on to another place.
Her words weren’t accusatory, just curious. Five looked at the medical supplies he collected. Vanya had a bag of canned tuna with her, and when they got back to the farmhouse they were seeking shelter in for the time being, Klaus would complain about how they were forcing him to go on a diet because the options were scarce. Klaus was right, and it’d continue to be that way because everything was limited. It couldn’t be like that forever, Five thought. It couldn’t be, not because they’d eventually find more, but because eventually there’d be nothing left. There was a reason it was the end, and that was because things had an end.
He was surprised enough that they made it this far, but there was no way he could delude himself; the remains of the world wouldn’t be enough to last them for more than a year, and this had made him all the more desperate to think of something, to be willing to take a risk just because he wasn’t willing to confront the reality that the new start he had built in the aftermath of the end would reach its own conclusion soon.
Because I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t, he almost said. But he always was a bit old for his age and detached from his emotions in ways they weren’t, unwilling to see anything but the bigger picture. It didn’t change the fact that there were moments that reminded him that the little things were still just important—Allison sewing his clothes after they accidentally got ripped, Klaus draping a blanket over him and Dolores when he found him fast asleep in the late afternoon, Vanya helping him try to cook breakfast with the measly food they had on hand.
“Because there has to be a reason for why I can do what I do,” Five said, echoing Luther’s sentiments from long ago. “Maybe that’s the reason I’m here now.”
==
At first, Five intended to keep his plan to time travel back a secret in the event that it failed and he got their hopes up for solving things. Dolores had shot down the idea by saying that the result didn’t matter when there was no going back from what he would do.You should say your goodbyes, Dolores said. Five insisted he couldn’t when he was doing this to prevent that kind of ending to begin with. Stop making excuses. It’s not like you to be afraid.
She was right. Over dinner, huddled around a makeshift fire, Five told them. For a while, he was met with nothing but silence.
Then, Diego said, “No.”
Five narrowed his eyes. “No?”
“It sounds like a one-way ticket. What if you screw up?”
“Why do you think I spent years working out the math?” Five said, baffled. “Just for a laugh?”
“Diego’s right,” Allison agreed. “Five, you don’t know what could happen. You only time traveled once, and it’s what got you stuck here in the first place. But what if—what if you die?”
“You think I don’t know that?” The idea of dying sent a shiver up his spine; he ignored it. “But if I don’t do anything, then we’re all going to die. At least there’s a chance that it’ll work, no matter how slim. I have to take it. This isn’t up for debate. I just told you because Dolores said I owed it to you to do it.”
“Wait, so you weren’t going to tell us?” Luther demanded. “Five, what the hell?”
“I mean, it’s not like I don’t get why,” Klaus interjected airily. “It’s a puberty thing. Kids love their privacy, and Five’s still a growing boy. And—no, Ben, you’re remembering it wrong. I was a good—”
It didn’t take long for them to launch into a full blown argument. Five defended himself and they started to turn to each other, because that was what they always did. But there was a sense of comfort he felt watching them bicker. This was the life he’d grown accustomed to in his two years of living with them, so there was a tight feeling in his chest at the realization that if he did manage to go back in time to stop this apocalypse from ever happening, it would also mean erasing the time they had together. It would mean they didn’t know each other; it would mean they didn’t know him. He could save the world at the cost of this one, and though all the logic in the world told him how that wasn’t even enough to be considered a sacrifice, given the state of things, Five still felt terrible about it.
These were thoughts that haunted him as he prepared for his departure, reviewing his math and practicing his spatial jumps. In the sparse moments, they chose to spend time with him either to do something mundane or nothing at all. They’d bring up the time travel thing around once or twice, but never for too long. Five didn’t believe in goodbyes and he was never the sentimental type, but they were, and he understood that they needed to make the most of their remaining time with him.
In the early morning of his anticipated leave, he saw Ben walking out of the farmhouse. The rest were still asleep and Klaus wasn’t a morning person, but he was getting better at using his powers, so he must’ve materialized Ben unconsciously.
“Are you scared?” Ben asked him, standing beside Five as he balanced himself on the fence. If this wasn’t the apocalypse, they’d be staring at a fresh field and breathing fresh air. Instead, the air was murky and the only sight that greeted them was an empty plot of land made of sunken soil with the bones of dead animals scattered around.
“Doesn't matter. I have to try,” Five said instead, but it was all Ben needed to hear to know. “I owe it to them to do that.”
For a while, Ben said nothing. “You should find them again. When you get back. You don’t need to fix everything alone. It doesn’t actually have to be the end.”
He was right. In a world built to harden Five because there was next to nothing left, he grew soft instead because of what and who survived along with him. It wasn’t a bad thing, because sometimes he contemplated the existence of an alternate reality wherein he came to the apocalypse alone—truly, utterly alone—and it was enough for him to realize that there were worse things that could happen to him.
“Do you ever think about how some things were meant to be there?” Five wondered. “That no matter who you become or what life you live, some things you’ll always have, one way or another?” Because in between the lines were questions he needed answers to—do you think we were meant to find each other? Do you think we’d always find each other, no matter what would’ve happened, no matter what life?
Five was the least closest to Ben, but Ben still replied sincerely, “I do.”
There was nothing to back his statement, no evidence, no reasoning, but the words reassured Five. In an alternate universe wherein he was all alone in this apocalypse, he thought that the person he was there would still be okay, because he’d still have them for a family—makeshift and unintentional, flawed but irreplaceable. Maybe not one he’d find in the darkest of times, but one he could return to against the lowest moments. After all, there were certain things people would always have, no matter what life, no matter what choice, and Five wanted to believe his family was one of them.
“Then I guess I won’t be saying goodbye,” Five considered. “But see you soon.”
Because thirteen or thirty, sixteen or thirty three, he would always find them. Because no matter what had happened, they would always be his family, and they would always be worth everything.